I am deeply saddened by the fractures in our society that seem to have widened exponentially in the past few years. There have always been those that shout their views, as if saying it louder will somehow convince those that disagree, but it sure seems more pervasive now. What would normally be polite conversation turns into a screaming match and we seem far too quick to categorize and cancel anyone who says something we disagree with.

Want to get written off in a heartbeat? Just say something like, “The science is clear,” or “Is it anything more than a clump of cells?” or “She’s a woman.”

What breaks my heart the most is the lack of listening to understand. I’m pointing that finger all the way around the circle, to both sides of the political aisle and to anyone who has ever looked at social media or listened to the news. We are quick to draw battle lines around catch phrases and ideologies and then start slinging mud and generalizing camps before we’ve ever sought to understand the other “side”. The walls go up to protect our beliefs, and anyone that dares broach them is labeled “phobic” or “crazy” and the conversation ends before it can even get started.

Listening to understand each other is what connects us as humans. It’s also what helps us to grow up as a society. To write off another human being simply because they appear to disagree with us is to miss an opportunity to broaden and correct our understanding of how the world works.

When my daughter started questioning her sexuality, I quickly shut her down. I was not prepared to handle what she had to say, so I simply told her she was wrong. Years later, we had some intense, deep conversations that challenged my long-held beliefs and have shown me that I needed a course correction. I listened to her view, researched what she was saying, and found that my way of looking at sexuality had been based in a traditional view that didn’t fit reality (or the Bible). The other benefit was that my daughter and I deepened our relationship and developed a greater trust that allows us to discuss hard topics more easily.

While I didn’t wholly adopt my daughter’s views, I did change mine based on new evidence and a different perspective. I would have missed out on learning where I was wrong and adjusting my way of thinking, had I simply written her off. I strive to keep that openness so that I don’t miss other opportunities to learn.

Another prime example of battle lines being drawn is in the abortion debate. When someone asks me if I’m pro-life or pro-choice I simply tell them, “No. I’m pro-people.” I cannot subscribe to either side of the debate, especially when I have witnessed so much hate and stubbornness in both. It’s too easy to create cookie-cutter, ideologically driven rules that damage people, when listening to those going through it and understanding their stories is the first step toward finding solutions that protect mothers and babies. There are good people and good viewpoints on both sides, and the truth is often somewhere in between. We risk missing the truth when we don’t listen.

That’s why fake news is so important. That’s why fact-checkers are so dangerous. That’s why the First Amendment protects the right of the press to question authority. By shutting down arguments or labeling people as “phobic” for proposing ideas with which we disagree, we miss important opportunities to challenge our beliefs and correct course as needed. We only get to stop doing that when we’re 100% right.

What’s the danger with listening to people with difficult ideas? If you’re right, you will have no trouble peacefully defending your view. If you’re wrong, you gain a better understanding of how the world works that may improve your life.

I challenge you to find someone you know that holds a different view from what you believe, buy them coffee, and spend more time listening than talking. Yeah, it’s not easy, but you become a better human being by learning to listen. A free society depends on it.